I went shopping today, and I found a dress that I tried on. It was too loose on me, so I asked if they had it in a smaller size, but they said that it doesn’t come in smaller sizes. This is the kind of things I read in the ‘imagine thinspos’. My family keeps telling how much skinnier I look. My old pants are falling off my body, my sweaters that used to be too tight now look oversized.
Whoever said that losing weight wouldn’t make me happy were so wrong.
🌸 reasons to lose weight 🌸
So you want to be skinny… it’s not as simple as one two three days of eating little and then suddenly beauty.
It’s work and it’s hard but believe me when I say the feeling of dropping weight is like no other. You will feel shaky and oh god so hungry and sometimes hella tired.
But then you’ll step on the scale
Or try an old once tight shirt
Or notice your cheekbones stick out more on camera
Or even a classmate will mention “wow when did you lose so much weight?”
And suddenly your pain is gone. All that’s left from your hard work are the rewards that come with being beautiful.
The challenge isn’t to see who’s darkest, because I’d be damned if I was ever caught walking. It’s a constant stalking of the other realm. It’s the sensation of knocking on the door, and waiting for something to lead you into hell. Hell being the darkness in ourselves. Finding a way to smile, in the shaded places. Diving deeper to discover where it’ll take us. Basking in the unknown, where most wouldn’t normally build a home. But the darker it is, the more chances for me to be alone. Voices that speak to me, are from somewhere far beyond. I can tell by the type of shit they’re asking, they’re trying to form a bond. He said, “A penny for your thoughts, a thousand for your dreams. A million for the soul, you know you don’t need”. The darkness inside has already corrupted the fuel to duel with the right energy, it bleeds from within me. It seems, that I’m my own enemy, but I’m in love with the bickering. I find sensation, when it’s tinkering with my mind. Any crime I commit, is my original intent that I’m happily carrying on with, but the challenge isn’t to see who’s the meanest, because I’ve already been damned. I’m constantly hearing their screaming. I seen demons double teaming human beings. Scheming for a chance to be. A chance to rearrange your ways and see, just what it means to be free. Catch a long breath and breathe, into the life that god made for me. I wonder how long it takes to seize or freeze someone else’s psyche? How corrupt I would have to be, to taint someone beside me. My interest invest in the topics of our thinking process, dying. Bribing the tactician with an excellent crafted sentence. When it’s just me and him, the grim can’t get relentless. I still love the tension. He never forgets to mention the mission I was given. Honestly, I’m no longer driven to give in to such belligerence. To harm or manipulate the innocent. Keep them from entering the glowing light. It seems that time, is always against me. Time and I, have never been too friendly. I asked him for eternity, because my soul and whole energy within me, are a bunch of ions charged with divinity. He laughed and took a few years from me. Stashed them in the misery of people who are also suffering. He said, “ the challenge is to stop descending. No matter how far it takes to uplift the different penalties, and erase the crazed ways of thinking. Retain the days of imagery that didn’t depict the enemy. When the villainy was truly never, anything”.
